why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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