2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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