Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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