tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
