is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
