Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
