i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
