I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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