I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
