The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want a musical about memes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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