Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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