The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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