So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
