you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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