I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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