friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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