would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
