remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
