Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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