If that was your dad, he is hot
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
