I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
