My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
