I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
