So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
