you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
