Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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