I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
