After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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