That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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