She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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