guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
