y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
