I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
