Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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