So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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