so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize