Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
