Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She bit a glass in half.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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