At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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