Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
