pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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