Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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