No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
