I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Life is so much better after having sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
