Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
