After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
