My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
