I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
