I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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