The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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