I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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