Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
