YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
