Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
