Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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