it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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