Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
