girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
