SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
