My friends, they love my intelligence
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
