dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
