I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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