That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
