thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
