I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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