just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
