How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
