She is in my trunk
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
