If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
