so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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